WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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