Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
