she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
