just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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