I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
