she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize