Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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