walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
