If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
