About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
