I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
