Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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