Don't make out with my wife yet
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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