at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
