wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
