Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
