You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
