she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
