And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
