I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
