do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
