All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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