I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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