just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
