fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize