So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
