I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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