what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
