Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
