i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
