In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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