Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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