That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
