"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
