Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
