I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
