Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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