i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
