My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
