Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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