I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
