Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
