I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize