I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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