Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
