i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
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