carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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