Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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