I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
