apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
