Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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