so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
