I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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