Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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