In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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