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• (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass

  (352): View more from Florida

  godspeed.

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• (650): View more from California

  so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.

  (1-650): View more from California

  did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.

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• (805): View more from California

  You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.

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• (916): View more from California

  Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about

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• (415): View more from California

  I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.

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