Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
