I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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