i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
