i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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