the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
