So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
