Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
