i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize