i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
