Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
