I feel great
I just peed on a car
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
