i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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