good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This is my gift to your gina
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
