i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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